Unsuccessfully balancing being a mummy and having some form of a social life and my personal reasons why.

So in the last three years I have been pregnant for 18 months of it. I have a 21 month old girl, and a 6 month old little boy. I’m crazy right?! It wasn’t planned that way at all. Anyway, being very preoccupied with being pregnant and looking after babies, socialising with my single non parent friends, just hasn’t happened for me. I’ve been a typical ” blow out” since my daughter Ella was born 21 months ago, I’ve gone for the odd coffee down the high street, but anything more then that, would be a complete no no. Nights out drinking, going cinema or for a meal would be something I would immediately blow out. As soon as the idea would be suggested by friends, straight away I’d always have my excuse ready, ‘the babies are poorly’ or ‘the sitter has let me down’ the list goes on.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I don’t want to go to these events, I’d love to, but a few factors are always there making me feel as if I can’t and the biggest part of it for me is lack of self confidence 

Since Ella was born. Before Ella was born and even while I was pregnant with her I’ve always been very slim and had quite a nice figure, even the months after having her I still kept my figure. 

It was when she was about five months that I started to pile on the pounds and then I fell pregnant with Preston and it all really did go down hill. I have gone from a size 10 to a size 16 in 21 months and I guess I’m just not happy for anyone to see me this way, these are my issues I need to get over and I must learn not to be so hard on myself, but when are we not hard on ourselves as mums and as women. 

Anyway I completely have gone off the topic of this blog!! For once I decided to say yes! I was getting so fed up of always missing out and always blowing my friends out I decided to say yes for me, otherwise I don’t think I could face the person I might become if I constantly said no. I just had to accept the fact I didn’t look the way I wanted, and accept that my friends would notice the weight gain, but they are lovely and I know they would never point it out to me anyway. It sometimes doesn’t help when you feel so low about yourself and being a stay at home Mum and your friends are all single with amazing careers and living in london, I don’t think I could be anymore different to them. I used to be like them but now I’m a mummy. 
So my first night out with my friends was a trip to london to have dinner and watch the show ‘kinky boots’ which was absolutely amazing and I loved every minute of it. I think now I have got over the fear of going out, I am more likely to do it more now, well I hope I will anyway. I just made an effort with my make up, made use of the many make up tutorials i had recently watched on YouTube, and I felt wonderful for the first time in a very long time I felt a little confidence.
It’s so important to still keep in touch with friends and go out once in a while, in order to not lose touch of who you are, as a stay at home Mum it really is so easy to lose your identity without even realising it, until the damage is already done! 
Has anyone experience anything similar and just isolated yourself away from friends due to confidence issues but used the kids as your “get out” excuse?